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jokes...some old ..some new...
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cutiewizard1020
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Pinoy FM, your online radio! :: Iskizo Section (Ang bagong Rehabilitation Corner) :: Funny Jokes and Pics
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jokes...some old ..some new...
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?&nbs p; Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
An Air Force test pilot crashed a jet.
As the fire fighters arrived he emerged bloody and dirty.
The first fire fighter to get to him said, "What happened?"
The pilot said ,"I don't know. I just got here myself."
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?&nbs p; Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
An Air Force test pilot crashed a jet.
As the fire fighters arrived he emerged bloody and dirty.
The first fire fighter to get to him said, "What happened?"
The pilot said ,"I don't know. I just got here myself."
cutiewizard1020- Station Manager
- Posts : 320
Join date : 2008-11-27
Age : 44
Location : sa puso nya
Re: jokes...some old ..some new...
cutiewizard1020 wrote:
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?&nbs p; Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
."
cielo- 3rd Yr High School
- Posts : 244
Join date : 2008-11-29
jomar- kapamilya
- Posts : 875
Join date : 2009-05-11
Age : 29
Location : saitama japan
Re: jokes...some old ..some new...
thank you sis wiz.
grace- grade 5
- Posts : 142
Join date : 2009-05-26
Age : 49
Location : Pusan korea
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Pinoy FM, your online radio! :: Iskizo Section (Ang bagong Rehabilitation Corner) :: Funny Jokes and Pics
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